He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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