I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
