you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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