his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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