I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
