This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
