Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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