it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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