Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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