you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
