how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
