i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
