you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
