I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
