I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
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you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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