I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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