I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
