Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
