So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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