dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh god it's open bar.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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