You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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