lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
