On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
