you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
