farters have to be the big spoon...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
