Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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