I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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