im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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