So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
