My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
