Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
