she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
