I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
