i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
