awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
