the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
