tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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