He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
