RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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