i permit you to call me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
