I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
