guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
