She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
