i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
