id be glad to
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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