I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
