My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
