Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
