When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
