If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
