at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
