the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
