If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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