neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
