Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
