dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
