If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
