saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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