how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She needs sedatives and a leash
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sext me about skeletons
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
