I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
