THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
