True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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