True but thats because hes a fetus.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
