the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
