my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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