margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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