2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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