I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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