I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
