I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
