after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
